Cheers and Jeers: Monday


Since March 2020 you had one job. ONE JOB. Get individuals to remain secure till a vaccine was able to distribute. You failed miserably. 375,000 persons are lifeless since you couldn’t persuade your military of morons to put on a masks… which is odd contemplating how simply they put on a hood. […]

Margaret and Helen promo graphic
Their battleship is freshly washed and waxed for homeland safety in the course of the inauguration.

You misplaced. It occurs each 4 years to somebody. Recover from it. Depart the White Home and take these god-awful kids and that sourpuss spouse with you. If attainable take Cruz and Hawley too.

Keep out of politics. Return to constructing shitty inns or bankrupting casinos. Spend the remainder of your life writing a guide or two that nobody will ever learn. You at the moment are merely a web page in historical past… a web page most of us will rip out and use as bathroom paper.

So please. Simply go away. If we by no means have one other orange President once more, will probably be too quickly. I imply it. Actually.

Read the whole glorious piece here. I feel they need to get to learn that at Joe’s inauguration.

And now, our function presentation…

Cheers and Jeers for Monday, January 18, 2021

Observe: Necessary message for Joe Biden: if, in the course of the oath of workplace, Chief Justice Roberts provides “So assist me god…now whisper your ATM PIN quantity in my ear,” don’t do it. It is a lure!  A. Ackbar, C&J Workplace of Skullduggery Detection

By the Numbers:

2 days!!!

Days ’til inauguration day: 2!!!

Trump’s approval score in Pew’s last ballot of America‘s first Traitor-in-Chief: 29%

P.c in the identical ballot who charge Trump’s and Biden’s “conduct for the reason that election” pretty much as good or wonderful: 23%, 64%

Present common approval of U.S. management amongst 60 international locations surveyed by Gallup over the last yr of Trump’s presidency: 22%

12 months when an LGBTQ group (PFLAG) was featured in a Presidential Inaugural Parade for the primary time: 2013

First yr that the president’s inauguration (McKinley’s) was filmed: 1897

12 months that Dwight Eisenhower turned the one president to be lassoed (by Monte Montana) throughout an inaugural parade: 1953

D.C. Inauguration Day Forecast

Sunny with 42% humidity and a light-weight, patriotic breeze.

Excessive: 43.  Low: the Republican occasion’s approval score.

Pet Pic of the Day: Sensible canine who’re beneath indictment let their lawyers speak for them…

CHEERS to the altering of the gatekeepers. With management of the Senate wrested away from each the Republican occasion and the violent insurrectionists (pardon the redundancy), Democrats now get to manage all the pieces from the temperature within the cloak room (72F) to the dimensions of the spit wads that may be thwooped at Josh Hawley’s head (a minimum of 3 inches in diameter). That features the coveted committee chairmanships, which entitle the gavel-wielder immense energy to set agendas, launch investigations, approve payments, and provides the inexperienced gentle to presidential nominees. These aren’t in stone but, however here is who will possible be getting “Chairman” added to their official identify plaques when Workforce D takes over this week:

Agriculture/Diet/Forestry—Debbie Stabenow (MI)

Appropriations—Patrick Leahy (VT)

Armed Providers—Jack Reed (RI)

As chair of the Agriculture/Diet/Forestry committee, Senator Stabenow can lastly green-light my mission to plant 1,000,000 sweet corn timber by 2022.

Banking—Sherrod Brown (OH)

Finances—Bernie Sanders (VT)

Power/Pure Sources—Joe Manchin (WV)

Finance—Ron Wyden (OR)

International Relations—Bob Menendez (NJ)

Well being & Schooling—Patty Murray (WA)

Homeland Safety—Gary Peters (MI)

Intelligence—Mark Warner (VA)

Judiciary—Dick Durbin (IL)

Guidelines/Administration—Amy Klobuchar (MN)

Veterans’ Affairs—Jon Tester (MT)

First thought: all white and never almost sufficient ladies.  Second thought: however not less than they’re Democrats.  Third thought: When Dick Durbin turns into chairman of the Judiciary Committee, he’ll have the ability to inform Lindsey Graham to take a seat down and shut up. Fourth thought: Dick, you fortunate duck.

JEERS to 1 sorry-ass presidency. It’s going to be equal elements apathy, stupidity, and incompetence that outline the Trump administration’s legacy, and Exhibit A shall be his dealing with of the coronavirus pandemic. Worldwide there at the moment are over 95 million circumstances—1 / 4 of them within the U.S.  Listed here are this week’s numbers for the C&J historic document—the ultimate examine earlier than Joe Biden grabs the disaster by the reins and lets science and customary sense take over—courtesy of the most depressing tote board in the world, as our loss of life toll now exceeds the inhabitants of America’s Forty seventh-largest metropolis Tulsa, Oklahoma:

6 months in the past: 3.8 million confirmed circumstances. 143,000 deaths.

3 months in the past: 8.3 million confirmed circumstances. 224,000 deaths

WILMINGTON, DELAWARE - DECEMBER 08: U.S. President-elect Joe Biden attends the announcement of the members of his health team, including his pick for secretary of Health and Human Services Xavier Becerra, at the Queen Theater December 08, 2020 in Wilmington, Delaware. With the novel coronavirus pandemic continuing to ravage the country with daily records for infections and deaths, members of Biden's health team said they will make fighting COVID-19 the priority. (Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images)
Simply ready to indicate the nation what actual management seems to be like.

1 month in the past: 18 million confirmed circumstances. 325,000 deaths

This morning: 25 million confirmed circumstances. 407,000 deaths

And in different information, I learn that the pandemic has singlehandedly lopped 13 months off the average American’s lifespan.  If we’ve got a selection which of them, I might like my 13 to be Trump’s first month in workplace after which all of 2020. Thx.

JEERS to turning a deaf ear. On this date 60 years in the past, throughout his farewell address in 1961, President Eisenhower warned us all in opposition to the rise of the “military-industrial advanced.”  (Though we’re fast to level out that Ike himself helped contribute to it, so his arms aren’t precisely clear. However, hey, c’mon—he did D-Day.)  Yearly, as his warning seems ever extra prescient, this speech ranks proper up there with Lincoln‘s Gettysburg Deal with or FDR’s 4 Freedoms speech:

“Within the councils of presidency, we should guard in opposition to the acquisition of unwarranted affect, whether or not sought or unsought, by the military-industrial advanced.

A somewhat typical newspaper headline from back in the day.
A farewell speech that resonates extra profoundly yearly.

We must not ever let the load of this mixture endanger our liberties or democratic processes. We should always take nothing as a right. Solely an alert and educated citizenry can compel the correct meshing of the massive industrial and navy equipment of protection with our peaceable strategies and objectives, in order that safety and liberty could prosper collectively.”

Let’s examine how that is figuring out: We did let the load of this mixture endanger our liberties and democratic processes. We did take it as a right. And we the ignorant and apathetic citizenry did not compel the correct meshing of the massive industrial and navy equipment of protection with our peaceable strategies and objectives, in order that safety and liberty at the moment are combating like rabid canine. Apart from that…Thumbs-up!



JEERS to a shitty strategy to deal with your protectors. As in the event that they wanted the rest to tarnish their reputations as monsters, the president’s son-in-law Jared and not-so-secret crush Ivanka are getting scowls for the best way they handled their Secret Service element, apparently denying them use of any of their six loos at their DC mansion within the Kalorama neighborhood, close to the place the Obamas stay. The company lastly rented a bit $3k-a-month rat gap for his or her outpost, however here is how convoluted it got earlier than that:

[O]ne regulation enforcement official accustomed to the scenario telling the Publish, “It is the primary time I ever heard of a Secret Service element having to go to those extremes to discover a toilet.”

“Once you end that Starbucks, can I’ve your cup? It’s an emergency.”

The company spent months attempting to safe services, together with a porta-potty that was eliminated after neighbors complained, in accordance with the Publish.

Then…brokers started to make use of the loos in a garage-turned-command submit at Obama’s home utilized by his safety element. That choice got here to an finish when the Obama element banned the Trump/Kushner element after a Secret Service supervisor from the latter “left an disagreeable mess” in that loo at a date previous to fall 2017, the paper reported, citing an individual briefed on the occasion.

Brokers then started to drive to Vice President Mike Pence’s home on the Naval Observatory a few mile away to make use of a rest room there, or used services at native eating places, the regulation enforcement officers instructed the Publish.

We hear Melania is so upset she’s began a brand new public service hashtag: #PeeBest

CHEERS to Synonym Fever!  Pleased 242nd Birthday to Peter Roget, who revealed the primary Thesaurus in 1852 (a decades-long endeavor undertaken partly to assist him cope with bouts of despair).  Curious if there was a synonym for thesaurus, I went to—the place else?— to search out out.  Their checklist is BOGUS, and let me let you know for the umpteenth time why:

A thesaurus is a glossary, however a glossary isn’t essentially a thesaurus.

Lastly—as of at present, an finish to these unbearable Thesaurus Day carols.

A thesaurus is a language reference guide, however a language reference guide isn’t essentially a thesaurus.

A thesaurus is a storehouse of phrases and a treasury of phrases and even a glossary, however neither a storehouse of phrases nor a treasury of phrases nor a glossary is essentially a thesaurus.

A thesaurus is an onomasticon, however an onomasticon is just not essentially a thesaurus.

Now you already know why the one factor my dad and mom made positive by no means to expire of was earplugs.

Ten years in the past in C&J: January 18, 2011

CHEERS to blessed silence.  For those who’ve gotten used to tuning in faithfully on daily basis at midday to listen to the newest from the Tremendous Docs on the situation of Congresswoman Gabby Giffords and the opposite capturing victims nonetheless hospitalized, at present your routine shall be disrupted.  Everyone seems to be doing so properly and progressing so rapidly that the press gaggles are not vital.  Docs at College Medical Heart will re-emerge when Giffords is discharged, which they are saying may very well be days, not weeks.  Boy, when individuals say they transfer to Arizona as a result of the dry warmth is therapeutic, they ain’t kiddin’.

And only one extra…

CHEERS to Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. As soon as once more we’re grateful, and quite awestruck, by what he achieved for black America—and, consequently, all of America—in his way-too-short life. He was flawed, as all people are. However he had that cussed ‘ol dream. And are available hell or excessive water (or fireplace hoses or weapons or nightsticks or jail time or no matter else the bigots might throw on the motion) he refused to close up and sit down, or match violence with violence. Take observe, all you insurrectionist nitwits:

“When evil males plot, good males should plan. When evil males burn and bomb, good males should construct and bind. When evil males shout ugly phrases of hatred, good males should commit themselves to the glories of affection. The place evil males would search to perpetuate an unjust establishment, good males should search to convey an actual order of justice.”

July 2 1964. President Lyndon Baines Johnson presents Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. with one of the pens used to sign the Civil Rights Act
With LBJ on the signing of the Civil Rights Act of 1964

“Non-violence is a robust and simply weapon which cuts with out wounding and ennobles the person who wields it. It’s a sword that heals.”

As destiny would have it, King and I coexisted on this tiny blue speck in the midst of nowhere, if just for three-and-a-half years. The older I get the cooler that truth will get. So I’m retroactively placing it on my bucket checklist. Sue me.

Have a tolerable Monday. Flooring’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about at present?

At the moment’s Shameless C&J Testimonial

Do not know if I ever posted something saying so, however as some level (round its inception) I undoubtedly thought Cheers and Jeers was a dumb concept. WRONG.